September 2007 Archives

Super Fun Friday is upon us. Today it's Welcome to the NFL: Geography Edition. Vietnam wants you to get out the vote on Oct. 16th: "Vietnam is now the only candidate of Asia for the non-permanent membership of the UN Security Council."

Said Democratic presidential hopeful Gov. Bill Richardson in regards to raiding Social Security Viking-style: "I am the only candidate for a constitution amendment to balance the budget. "

Writes St. George, Utah, city council candidate Ed Baca — who is fighting for your right to low golf rates on city courses — on his blog: "I am unique in that I am the only candidate who has spent the last four years faithfully attending city council meetings studying our city government preparing to serve as your councilman."

Said Gloucester, Mass., mayoral candidate Jeff Worthley after describing his unemployed status as a ideal situation for full-bore effort: "I"m the only candidate with no other commitments."

Said Democrat and Pennsylvania Supreme Court candidate Debra M. Todd: "I'm the only candidate on the race who has earned a post-doctoral degree in the judicial process."

Said Republican presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee: "The fact that I'm the only Republican presidential candidate in the history of the country to go speak to the NEA is very significant."

Said Republican and candidate for Kentucky State Treasurer Melinda Wheeler in a statement: "The elected office of State Treasurer of Kentucky needs to be abolished. I'm the only candidate this year with the courage to state that obvious fact."



This just in! Direction from Lonely Candidate headquarters and the Ministry of Questions: If you could be elected to any position in order to abolish it, what would you campaign for?

Share your platform in the comments.

(And a hearty hello to the lonely candidates from kottke.org, thanks for stopping by!)

Said Democratic presidential hopeful Rep. Dennis Kucinich last week about health care reform plans: "I can't be bought, and I can't be bossed, and that's why I'm the only candidate willing and eager to challenge the insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies."

Said Democratic presidential candidate Gov. Bill Richardson at the AARP forum: "I think I'm the only one who has dealt with health care firsthand as a governor."

Said fellow candidate Sen. Joe Biden: "That's like saying I played halfback in high school; I can play in the pros."

Writes Steven Searle, 2008 presidential candidate, Buddhist, Metal Tiger, Taurus, Chicagoan and author of the timeless work of creative fiction "Triple-M Gives Good Head; Israel Gives Better," -- which, naturally, is available on his campaign website -- on his blog: "I am the only candidate with a contract: 'You wouldn't sell your house without a contract; why give your vote away?' "

Said this guy about a bunch of students in regards to Democratic presidential hopeful John Edwards, "They say he's the only candidate who's really talking about it, who's actually there doing things."

This was quite humorous by itself:

Mayoral candidate William "Red" Slavit, 85, does not have a campaign Web site like his three opponents, but he may be the only candidate with videos on the Web site YouTube.

The three videos show Slavit on a boat floating down the Merrimack River while telling stories of pirates and river rescues. (Find them by searching YouTube for "Red Slavit.")

Arrrgh!!

According to California's Legislative Black Caucus, Barack Obama is "the only candidate that can unite people to get things done."

Said Bill Hixon, Republican candidate for the South Carolina Senate, after listing "Political Experience: None" in a Q & A with the Aiken Standard: "I am the only candidate with the experience to get things done for our community, including eliminating taxes for seniors and stopping illegal immigration."

Said Republican presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee after outlining a proposal for the 'Fair Tax': "I'm the only one who has said I would actually go out and sell it."

Responding to challenger Jared Polis's request to apologize for supporting certain President- and war-supporting resolutions four years ago, Colorado state Sen. Joan Fitz-Gerald said, "I'm the only one with a voting record of substance, and he's going to shoot at who he feels is the front-runner."

According to media mogul Oprah Winfrey, Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama is the only candidate for her couch.

Said Louisiana attorney general candidate James "Buddy" Caldwell: "I'm the only district attorney who has handled reapportionment."

Said Democratic presidential candidate and New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson Monday after a debate in Miami televised on Spanish-language network Univision: "I'm the only Hispanic presidential candidate. I wasn't trying to make others look bad, but I was proud to be able to speak two languages."

(Moderators asked questions in Spanish which were then translated for the candidates into English. The candidates' answers in English — they were reprimanded if they attempted a little en español — were then translated to Spanish on air and, for good measure, also close-captioned back into in English.)

At a debate in Miami, Democratic presidential candidate and Ohio Rep. Dennis Kucinich was the only candidate to call for Spanish as a second national language.

Said Democrat and California congressional candidate Charlie Brown: "I'm the only real candidate offering a real choice other than Doolittle. Everybody else has been a Doolittle clone and now they've turned on him."

Said Democratic presidential hopeful Chris Dodd: "I'm the only candidate that gets mail from the American Association of Retired Persons and diaper service."

Said union President Tom Buffenbarger of Democratic presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton: "She is the only candidate of either party to come forward with a comprehensive manufacturing policy."

Said Republican presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani: "I'm the only Republican candidate that can carry on a campaign in every single state."

Said Brian Muello candidate to become the first ever mayor of Braintree, Mass.: "I'm the only one who hasn't been in the loop."

Said Democrat and U.S. Senate campaign explorer Jack Nelson-Pallmeyer: "I'm the only candidate in this race who has a hyphenated last name."

Said Republican presidential hopeful John McCain: "I'm the only candidate in this race prepared to be Commander-in-Chief from day one and dedicated to continuing the fight against Islamic fundamentalists."

As far as Memphis, Tenn., Mayor Willie Herenton is concerned: He's "the only candidate in this race."

Said Common Pleas Judge Joe Bratton of Dauphin County, Penn.: "I'm the only candidate with a rural background."

Said Layton, Utah, city council candidate Scott Freitag: "I'm the only candidate from the west side."

Said Green Party presidential candidate Kent Mesplay: "I'm the only candidate with native American ancestry."

Said Rudy Giuliani: "I'm the only Republican candidate that has the chance of winning the states that were previously Democratic states."